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Taking a sick day today. I feel like the days just go by and by, and bye, and I'm not worrying about me, until days like today happen when I'm woken up every two hours by an expansive pounding in my skull, lightening bolt spasms between my hips, and completely random painful numbness in my left arm. So I take a day.

I lay around watching movies, waiting for some fraction of the pain to go away, or at least to clear out my head. These are the days that I couldn't focus on some taxing activity if I tried. I down pain meds, I'm no absolute warrior here, and huddle up in bed. No driving, no class, no nothing. I am rendered completely vegetational and useless.

I try to sleep but my body won't let me, each centralization of pain calling my attentions on them all at once. It's like a tug of war, my body is the plain. I wonder what to do in a life where you feel like you don't have the allowance to go about as you please. When did all these unspoken rules start dictating all the seconds that compile my weeks?

The doorbell rings again and again, but I don't bother to answer. I'm in such a level of distaste for my uselessness today that I render getting up not worth it. So I'll finally stop trying to get some rest, or just relax and join the cycle again, doing work, waking up and so on. I'll write papers and poems that I'm not pleased or proud to write just to meet the deadlines and hole up about how useless deadlines feel to me. I'm too nervous and worrisome, too self obsessed and selfless. Ultimately,  I'll get upset because there are too many days filled with too many expectations that I have no capacity to meet.